Oh brother… I mean MOTHER…

“You’re going where? With who? How many friends do you even have?!”

First of all, if you’re sick of having your mother ask you where you’re going when you leave the house at 10pm, it’s time for you to move out (someone has to tell you!). Living at home is so not a thing if it’s bringing you to the brink of insanity (or you’ve reached your mid-twenties).

And if you are still living at home, you better have a good excuse (“my house is 5 minutes to work” or “I live in the basement suite anyway!”) and no reason to complain (no one wants to hear you say, “Lame. I totally didn’t want the lasagna my mom cooked and had ready for me when I got home from work” – it’s not a thing). Getting your meals cooked, laundry cleaned and never having to lift a toilet bowl brush – you’re spoiled rotten, so deal with it – is a luxury very few of us enjoy so you don’t need to rub it in!

So the next time you want to scream at your mother for doing exactly what mothers do, remind yourself that it’s likely your choice for still being at home. And if you don’t live at home and still have this problem, then lie and don’t tell her. Ignorance is bliss right? Growing up: it’s a thing. ^B

The Art of Subtexting

You'd think with our six million ways of communicating, we would be better at it, right? Sadly no. Think back to a world without caller ID, text messages and online chats (I know...crazy, right?). We actually had to pick up the phone when it rang and face the fact it could be the very person we are trying to avoid. But nowadays we spend so much time avoiding these calls and contemplaing seemingly appropriate responses via text or email that we very rarely actually say what we mean or feel at that very moment. Instead, we think about what we want to say and the perfect way to say it for a week and then respond. Maybe it's because we feel a need to sugarcoat things so we don't end up as the bad guy; or maybe it's because we are constantly trying to figure how best to word things to get exactly what you want. Whatever the reason, you'd think with all the thought that goes into a single text message that what we are trying to say becomes a clear and concise '140 character or less message', right? Unfortunately no, it has just become more confusing, dripping with subtext than ever before.

As a result, we've entered a world where we sit there analyzing a text message for all possible subtext. We don't take anything for face value. And no, in this game of #crazyornormal, I swear I'm not the only one. According to my research (which was done very scientifically, I assure you), we all do it. But don't worry your pretty little heads, we don't analyze every single text message we receive -- sometimes 'hey, how's it going' just means 'hey, how's it going'. But pair that up with maybe not having seen a certain someone for a month or two, we begin to wonder 'why are they texting me now' and 'what do they want' or as my friends like to decipher this particular subtext as 'booty call'. Regardless of what your friends try to adamantly convince you of, you carefully craft a response which asks 'what do you want' just to make sure it doesn't mean that perhaps this certain someone has come to their senses (without actually asking it of course) and thus keeping this neverending circle of confusing text messages alive.

My only brilliant solution to all of this? All important conversations should be done the old fashioned way: in person and with a lot of drinks (what works better than to put whatever you need out there than a little bit of liquid courage? Of course though, this only applies if both parties are involved as drunk texting/dialing is not a thing). But as I know firsthand, it's not always easy to have a 'let's talk about real issues', face-to-face conversation with somebody and to be put on the spot; so until we stop trying to have these confrontations over text messages and emails, the art of subtexting sadly will continue to be a thing. ^L

Are you there, job market? It's me, desperate.

This can’t be it. Your daily tasks involve mundane bookkeeping and another press release (how interesting does this company think it is?). This is nowhere near the foreign market entry planning of a multinational corporation that you naturally thought you would be doing post graduation. You’re ready to be awesome and super successful but feel defeated in life with your first real job and are starting to lose hope.

You are not alone (and please don’t break into MJ). This seems like a common sentiment amongst young professionals. University filled us with hope and high expectations, but when we got to the “real world” and ended up with uninspiring jobs, we wondered if it was all a sham and where all those “cool” jobs went.

Hang tight – the universe will deliver. You don’t have to sell your soul to get a fulfilling job with decent pay. Opportunities are there; you just have to look hard and be patient. It’s all about networking. Ugh, I hate when people tell me that, but it’s true. Start talking to people – ask questions, be interested, be interesting. The right position will come along. After all, being awesome doesn’t always happen overnight – although it would be amaze if it did. Winning in life and getting a great job is a thing. Believe and it will happen. ^B

Hats Off to the Derby!

1875. Yup - that's the beginning of the Kentucky Derby, and possibly the beginning of the "Who's Going to Wear the Most Ridic Hat" Race.

They start young...

And end... well... at just plain ridic...

Don't get me wrong - there's plenty of in between...

And there are those who are just so damn comfortable with themselves, that they'll sport anything!

Whatever your hat wearing style - hats off to you! Because dressing the part, and being a part of history at the derby - it's totally a thing.  ^K
ps. all these amaze photos? They're from here.

Playoffitis

It's that lovely time of year again. The days are getting longer, the sun is shining (well except for in Vancouver apparently), the birds are chirping (which is probably not a good thing given my Ornithophbia in life) and the bandwagon jumpers are a jumpin'. That's right, it's playoff time, also known as Vancouver's version of dehibernation.

After a long winter of deciding it's too cold and rainy to leave the house, we can finally shed our snuggies and join the masses into the crowded pubs and bars to cheer on our Vancouver Canucks who now head into the third round. And yes, it's amaze as they haven't made it to the conference finals since their epic '94 cup run. It's even more amaze that they finally beat the nemesis, the Blackhawks and that Ryan Kesler single-handedly beat the Preds. But what's most amaze is how the playoffs create a comradery among us and inject life into the city again, life we haven't seen since the Olympics (and ps. can I just mention that every Canadian city that has hosted the Olympics have won the Cup the year after?*)

Finally, people are coming together in this city, celebrating and partying in the streets; we're trading in our cliques for high-fives and fist pounds with random strangers and breaking into the anthem and 'Go Canucks Go!' chants in our bars and on the streets - and it can only get better from here. So next time you're out watching the game or dawning your best Canucks paraphernalia, make new friends with the drunkard next to you and soak up the atmosphere because playoffitis is totally a thing and, dare I say, it's sticking around for awhile. ^L

PS. Go Canucks Go!

*I'm merely stating a fact. There is no jinxing intended.

PTM (Public Transit Myth)

We've all been there before. You know what I'm talking about. On the SkyTrain during rush hour; or perhaps whilst taking the 145 bus down Burnaby Mountain. It's standing room only so you stand there with your headphones on, in your own little world trying to avoid awkward eye contact with the people around you (and of course trying to avoid having your face in the smelly armpit of the guy next to you) -- when suddenly, the bus stops, jerks even. You try to grab onto the strap, but no luck. You can't keep your stance and go flying backward into the person behind you. You turn around to apologize to whoever you just knocked over. And then you see...him. The guy you've been waiting for all your life. He's perfect. You exchange a friendly smile and all of a sudden you're deep in conversation. You then proceed to fall madly in love and have ten babies. This has totally happened to you, right? NO, beacuse shit like this doesn't happen on public transit despite the myths. I'm just saying.

It did, however, happen to a cousin of a friend of mine (and no, I didn't use cousin to make things sound more legit). Not the madly falling in love part..just the picking up people on the SkyTrain part. I'm not here to dispute the fact that it hasn't happened before (I mean myths have to come from somewhere, right?). All I'm saying is that every time that either myself or one of my friends have taking public transit (whether it be by boat, train or bus), all we see are elderly members of society, moms with screaming kids or inappropriately dressed prepubescent teenage girls with their awkward prepubescent boyfriends. Seriously. So I'll keep the moral of this story short and sweet. Meeting people on public transit -- totally not a thing. ^L

Summer Called. It Wants its Sandals Back.

The minute the sun comes out in Vancouver, something funny happens. You know what I’m talking about. It’s 12 degrees and sunny and BAM, people are in their sandals and shorts! Seriously, it’s pretty ridic. Yesterday, alone, I think I saw more toe-sluts (and no, it’s NOT a thing) than I did normal people (and normal, of course, is relative).

Here’s the thing:

• 12 degrees doesn’t equal a warm summer day
•  Don’t wear things to the office that normal people would only wear on vacation (I saw 3 offenses yesterday where people were wearing things I would only dare in Mexico – no jokes!)
• Cover your toes dammit – no one really likes a toe-slut (and I mean that in the nicest way possible)
• Save the short shorts and flip flops for days that are 20 degrees or more – then MAYBE you won’t get the crazy stares (just sayin’)

The lesson here? I think you got it. Beachwear on a 12 degree Spring day at the office? Definitely NOT a thing. ^K

Don't hate, cross-pollinate

Let me start off by saying that Vancouver is an amazing city. We have lovely beaches, amazing mountains and the world's most friendliest people, right? Well, I may have to dispute that last fact. Yes, everybody in Vancouver is ridic polite, friendly and may even be willing to open a door or two for you but seriously, could we be more cliquey? (and yes, cliquey is totally a thing). The cliqueyness (and that's just made up) makes it extremely difficult to meet people (namely of the opposite sex) outside of your immediate group.

You know what I'm talking about - when you're out at a bar/lounge/restaurant with your group of friends and they're the only ones you talk to for the whole night. Of course, there's always the drunkard who tries to get his two cents in by making some lame joke but then has nothing else to follow up with (you know who you are) which leads to an awkward silence because HE WON'T LEAVE but as the friendly Vancouverites we are, we don't know how to tell him to....

But anyway, I digress. Is that what it really takes for us to be inclusive and to meet others? Extreme intoxication leading to forced intrusion into your clique? Seriously? Some say that it's because that the guys in this city have no balls and the girls are stuck-up. Maybe they're right but I think it's because Vancouver is such an amazing city that we've all been here for a million years and have stuck with the same group of friends that we're used to and basically have forgotten how to meet people. So Vancouver, I challenge you to revert back to your kindergarten ways and the next time you're out, ask some random kids to 'join you in the sandbox'. Together, we can make cross-pollination a thing. ^L